Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
