so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
