whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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