Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
