He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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