Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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