Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
