Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
