Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Randomize
