I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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