a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
