I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
