um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
