His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
