i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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