I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm drive I can fine osifer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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