clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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