she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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