he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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