I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
