Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
