i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
