I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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