Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
