Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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