sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize