She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
