I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
