Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
