I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
