Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
not ubering you a puppy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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