There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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