PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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