yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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