Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
