WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
