I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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