drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
