Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
