It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
