Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
