yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
