have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
