I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
