Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
