During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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