I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
