I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
