I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
