hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
