He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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