There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
