In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
