i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
