you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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