She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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