her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You don't make any sense
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