If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
