Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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