I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
