They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I AM VODKA MAN
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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