So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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