I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
