Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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