Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize