We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
