I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
