Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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