I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
